Legendary

When you wear socks, you don’t feel the dirty floor under your feet. If you eat in the dark, you don’t get fat. I don’t really care if these rules are true or not. When I went to my kitchen in the night to finish my cold pizza, I felt better to say them to myself.

So here I am sitting wearing only my underwear and two unmatching socks, starting to work on my second slice when I realized that I’m not alone. A shadow was standing on the border between my dark kitchen and the even darker living room.

Ok, before I continue let me share my thoughts about panic. Panic can happen in any given moment. But, and it’s a big one. There is a difference between panicking fully clothes and been in a panic mode half naked with a slice of cold peperoni pizza still stuck in your mouth.

Who is there? I asked with my mouth still full. I can tell you right now, there is no way I’m spitting this pizza out. If this is my last meal, I want to enjoy it as much as possible. Out of the shadows a figure of a man entered my kitchen. It was enough light for me to see that he is holding a big gun in his hand, a really big gun. ” Is it ok with you if I switch the light on?”, he asked. I was surprised by the tone of his voice; it was very respectful. Sure, I said. The light switch is right behind you. There was a moment of silent until he spoke again. ” I cannot turn around Sir, a man with your skill can easily take me down in a second, if I turn my back on him”. The second he spoke a piece of peperoni covered with tomato sauce fell on my naked belly. “Not exactly the man with the skill he is talking about”, I thought. You know what? I said. Let me stand up and turn the light. You can keep your over size gun at me at all time. ” I think that is a good idea Sir” he said,” but don’t do anything else, I heard stories of how quick you are”. Who the Hell this guy thinks I am? But I didn’t say anything, let’s start with the light first.

It took both of us a second to get use to the light, after a few seconds we were staring at each other. His eyes were fixed on the red embarrassing spot on my hairy belly. And I was looking at his red tie. The reason I was so intrigued by his red tie was because it was the only thing that was actually right with everything he was wearing. His suit looked cheap and at least two sizes bigger than it should be. His shoes were old and were open in a few places. Even his gun was too big for his hands. In a way he looked like a kid that borrowed his father’s clothes and gun. Only the tie looked just right. So, what now? I asked. It took him a moment to get his thoughts together before he answered. “Sir,” he said. ” I just want to say that before I kill you. It’s a huge honor to meet you face to face”. Kill me, seriously? I said, almost shouting. “Yes, I took the contract that no one else could take. Many tried and failed. You are a legend Sir”. Before I had the chance to say that I am not the legend that he is looking for and for God sake please stop calling me Sir, a voice from the other room said. ” Who are you talking to in the middle of the night? ” That’s my wife I said to him trying to calm him down. ” Your wife?” He said completely surprised. ” I didn’t know you have a wife”.

Footsteps were heard coming closer and before we know it, my wife wearing her white robe and rubbing her eyes joined us in the kitchen.

My wife, completely ignoring the standoff between me and the confused killer, cross between us while saying, ” let me guess, another rising star in the contract killing world thinking he got the legend”.

My wife looked at the young man and said. ” First of all, nice tie kid. Everything else looks like crap. Now seriously, look at my fat hairy husband, does he look like the legendary super killer that you’re looking for? My husband cannot catch a bus to save his own life. Listen kid”, my wife continues almost bringing the young man to tears. ” Every few weeks one of you idiots getting the apartment number wrong. Probably you like the rest of the other Geniuses counted the janitor door as an apartment. This is apartment 154 not 155.”

The young man looked at his shoes. In a way I felt sorry for him. I believe that for him to take down the legend was a pick of his young career. He definitely didn’t plan to face a fat dude eating pizza in the dark, and his sarcastic wife.

“Go and put some pants and shirt ” my wife commanded me, “and you”, she said pointing at the young man. ” sit down and have some cold pizza “. “Yes ma’am, the young man said in surrender”.

I went to my bedroom to put some clothes on myself. But before I even got to my closet, I heard something falling down. I rushed back to the kitchen to see my wife standing with a kitchen knife over the young man. His throat was sliced open. I guess you found the real legend I told him just before his last breath.

“I will take care of it in the morning” my wife said. “But do me a favor honey. Please clean this red sauce from yourself “. Sure, I said. After all you don’t argue with a legend.

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Shadows

Every morning I stand in front of my window, waiting for the sun to rise. I love the sun, but the sun ignores my presence, it ignores my existence. My body doesn’t cast a shadow. Not anymore.

The smell of strong coffee and her perfume fills the apartment. “It’s still dark outside”, I tell her. “I need to go soon” she answers, while still putting on her makeup. “We haven’t seen the sun-rise together for a long time”, I complained, I want to say there was a time when we used to go on the rooftop and watch the sun rise up in the sky. We used to wait for the sun to be high enough for us to see our shadows behind us. I want to say all this, but she is gone, only the smell of her perfume still lingering against the soft breeze from the open window, and the smoke from my cigarette. It’s still dark outside, maybe an hour until dawn, and even more for the sun to cast it’s shadow. It’s going to be only me this morning, like many other mornings only my shadow. She left.

There are still a few stubborn stars in the sky, I can see the horizon become red, this is beautiful I tell her, even though I know she’s not there. It is beautiful she answers me from a different place, I stepped closer to the edge of the roof, “it’s too dangerous”, she tells me without being there.

Like a giant animal that flexes its muscles, the city starts to wake up under my feet. The first heat wave from the rising sun hits me gently, the sun is still virgin and soft, I take another small step to the edge, not much more left, “go back”, I hear her voice. Come join me, I ask her, “I cannot.” She answered, you know “I can’t”.

Every morning I wake up, I boil strong coffee, every morning I spray the room with the perfume she used to wear, every morning, I ask her to stay. Every morning “I need to go soon”, she never answer. It used to be her shadow close to mine. Her shadow is now with someone else.

The sun is a complete ball floating gently above the horizon, I looked back, it used to be two shadows holding hands, now there is none.

The sun ignores my presence, my body does not cast a shadow anymore.

I take another step forward.

Another Story About The Moon.

Dad, Who put the moon in the sky?

I was sitting in a Mexican restaurant when I was quite intentionally listening to a six year old girl and her father. It was a cute family, father mother and their young daughter.

So, Who put the moon in the sky, Was it God? It was obvious that it was an important subject for the girl, and luckily for her, her father was prepared with a story.

Long, long time ago, Her father started, before you were born or me, or even grandma and grandpa. In fact it was before anything or anyone was born. God stood in space and point his finger to an empty spot in the vast universe. ” That is where I want it to be”, God told his Angel who was standing by his side. God handed his Angel a drawing of a beautiful round sphere. It was blue and brown and yellow, and green, a lot of green.

“A sphere is like a ball”, the mother explained to her daughter before dad continued.

I cannot stay with you, I must place the sun in the right place, God told his Angel. But don’t worry, I brought the best material from all corners of the universe. You have everything you need to build this new world. Just follow the instructions. The new ball has to be the size and the colors that I made on the drawing. When I come back, I will create life in this new world.

And indeed, God brought everything that the Angel needed to make the new big and colorful world. Then God went to the very difficult task of putting the sun at the exact distance from his soon-to-be new creation.

The Angel got to work following God’s drawing the best he could. When God came back, the sun and all the other planets were in place. Now was the time to bring life into the new and colorful world. “Did you finish the task that I gave you?”. God asked the Angel. ” I did my best”, answered the Angel. God knew right away that something was not exactly right, had a closer look at the new and colorful world. Why is it smaller than it’s suppose to be? God asked. I made a mistake, and didn’t use all the material you gave me, the Angel said. God looked closely at the Angel and back at the smaller than planned planet and asked. If you didn’t use all the material, where is the rest of it? But before the Angel had the chance to answer, a small gray ball appeared behind the colorful planet. The gray ball was moving slowly around the new world. Is that what you did with the rest of the material I gave you? God asked. Yes, answered the Angel. God was not happy with his Angel, and the Angel knew that. God was close to snap his fingers and breaking the new planet and the small gray one. “I am sure that this gray small one will bring happiness to the big colorful one”, said the Angel. ” I don’t see how anybody can like this gray boring small planet”, God said, but he gave his Angel a chance. and spared the gray planet. But, he was still angry at his Angel for not following his instructions.

God continued to create all the animals on land and sea, the beautiful jungles and the mighty ocean, God have created man and he was happy, and he named his creation Earth. But God kept wondering if its was the right thing to do to keep the gray small planet that circled his beautiful full of life one.

Years passed and God decided to come down to earth, and walked between men as one of them. God walked the earth, and when day turned into night, God saw a young girl looking at the sky. What are you looking at? God asked the girl gently, I’m looking at the beautiful moon, the girl answered. God raised his eyes to the gray ball in the night sky. Do you like it? God asked, pointing at the moon. Everybody loves the moon, answered the girl. We love it when is full and we also love it when we can barely see it, we write songs and stories about it, loving couples walking hand in hand under its soft light. Does everybody love the moon? God asked the girl. We fight for money; we clash over religion, we cheat, steal and argue. But there’s one thing that all of us humans agree on, is that all of us love the moon.

When God returned to heaven, he called his Angel and told him. I gave them the earth and the sky, I gave them oceans and mountains, I spread the night sky with bright diamonds for them to see. But with all the beauty and the wonder I gave them , there’s one thing that unite them, no matter their age, their color, their religion. That thing is their love to your gray round mistake that circles around them.

Dad look at his daughter and said, this is how we got the moon. On their way out of the restaurant I saw the mother hugging her husband and I heard her whispering in his ear. “Honey, when the times comes, I cannot wait to hear the story of where babies come from.”

The Perfect Deja Vu

She tried to hold my hand and to tell me not to go. God, she was so beautiful, no makeup, wearing sweat pants and an old shirt, she was still alluring, even majestic. But I ignored her and walked away. I opened the car door and jump into my luxurious car. I could still see her crying behind me, “don’t go”. But I press the gas pedal and let the mighty engine to push me forward. Just as I passed the steel gate, I raised my eyes to the car’s mirror, I could still see her standing in front of this gorgeous house. I drove faster and faster. Trees and cars, houses and people where flashing before my eyes. I was going too fast. The road became steeper and twister. Fear came over me when I realized something is wrong, really wrong. But what exactly I didn’t know. I need to slow down, but I cannot. It is too late. I lost control and crashed. Trapped in the car, I felt the hot flames. The car caught fire and I was trapped inside. A clear recognition that I am about to be burned alive hit me. I have looked at the mirror to see myself for the last time. It was a handsome face that I saw, but it was not my face. It was somebody else’s image. It wasn’t me driving the expensive car, it wasn’t me owning the big house on the top of the hill. And most of all, it wasn’t me that this charming woman asks not to go. It was a dream, but it wasn’t my dream. I was dreaming another man’s dream. It’s a warning that was supposed to get to him but instead I was the one who got it.

I had this dream every night for the last week. Every time I was dreaming, it become more and more detailed. The names of the streets I was passing before the crash, the logo on the car steering wheel, even the golden watch on the left hand was clear. But above all it was her. The lines of her perfect face, her amazing eyes, her black hair. With her image I woke up in the morning and hope to see it again in my sleep.

I felt I had the moral obligation to find this man. Somehow, I know that as long as I am having this dream, he is still alive, but for how long? A terrible death is awaiting to this man. I need to find him. I need to tell him that his dream, his warning came to me instead of him. I will find him and tell him, “I am having your dream, do not drive, stay with your beautiful woman”.

On Saturday morning I woke up, I knew that that was the last time I will have this dream. But this time it was clearer than ever. I could remember the names of the streets that the car started to speed uncontrolled. It didn’t take me long to find it on the internet. It was only two hours’ drive from me. I can make it, it’s still early morning. In the dream the sun is high in the sky. I can do it; I can save him. Less for him, more for her.

In less than two hours, I was standing in front of the house, his house. Everything looked so familiar, the house, the car in the front. Before I gathered the courage to knock on the door, the door opened slowly. Finally, I see him, tall and handsome, but my eyes couldn’t stay on him, it was her that my eyes chose to focused on. It’s now or never I told myself. He was about to enter the car and drive to his death. But I couldn’t move. Her eyes and mine meet, she smiled at me, my God she was beautiful.

I saw the car speeding away through the steel gate. I didn’t say a thing, just looked at her almost hypnotized. She came over to me, my heart almost exploded in my chest. She didn’t cry anymore, in fact she looked happy. ” you have my dream”, she told me. I was confused. ” you have my dream and I have yours”. She said. ” Its wasn’t my husband’s dream that you have been dreaming, it was mine”. How do you know? I asked. “I had a dream of my own”, she continued. ” In my dream I saw you coming to save him, but do nothing for the hope to gain a woman that will never be yours”.

She turned around and walk back into the house. In her left hand I saw her holding a steel cutter scissors. In the background I could hear the sirens.

No brakes, that was the warning in the dream, the car lost the brakes.

Kids, Say Hey To Grandma

In the year 2030, the Gordons where a completely normal family. Father mother and two daughters . They had their electric car and their mechanical cat, and even a real small dog. And like most families they had at least one family member in the fridge waiting to be un-frozen and coming back to life, to his long-awaited loving family.

Like other families the Gordons could not bring their own grandma back to life before the awaited time of 50 years was over. There were very clear rules and regulations about it. To revive a family member before time will cause you to lose you frizzing license which include also frizzing food and vegetables.

Tim Gordon was well aware of all the rules and protocols, about the frizzing, for two main reasons. The first was that Tim was a law obedient citizen that took his obligation to the law very seriously. But the second reason was much more important to Tim. The fact was, that Tim prefer to have a burning pineapple up his ass and jump naked into a pool full of broken glass, then to see the old witch coming out from her frozen tomb.

Every morning for the last ten years, Tim climb up to the house attic to check if during the night, the evil demon didn’t spit hot ash to melt his way out from her icebox. Every morning even before going to the bathroom, Tim use to examine the icebox of his mother in law. Tim could not see her face; it was covered with ice. but for some reason he could still see her mouth, it was open. “Even at your last moment you couldn’t close your mouth, did you?”. Tim use to say. Wondering what last complain did his beloved mother in law tried to shoot out before she got completely stiff, like a popsicle made out of venom. “At least I cannot see the face” Tim thought to himself. The last thing that Tim wanted to see every morning is a pair of evil eyes piercing through his soul.

It was on Monday morning that Tim notice water drops coming down from the attic. It cannot be, thought Tim while running up the stairs to check on Hopefully still frozen grandma. The floor in the attic was completely wet, there could only be one source to the water. Something cause to the freezer to stop working, but what? and how bad the situation is? If the body is still fifty percent frozen it could be saved, and get completely frozen again. Tim was praying that the needle didn’t passed the fifty percent line, and the dragon could keep sleeping for the next 40 years.

Tim’s wife and his two daughters were in the kitchen eating breakfast when a painful howl come from the attic, the hair standing howl was followed by a more humane scream but not less disturbing. ” Who, in the name that all that is holy, disconnect grandma’s freezer from the outlet”. “Oh, I knew I forgot to do something”. Said the older daughter that was just turned sixteen last month. “I was talking with my boyfriend at the attic and my phone battery got low and I just, you know, later forgot to, connect grandma’s freezer back to the outlet”. Tim’s wife didn’t stay to hear her daughter’s apologetic mumble, she was zooming upstairs to see if fate decides to wake up sleeping beauty way sooner than expected.

Reaching the attic Tim’s wife found her husband standing in a big pool of water. The needle was on five percent freeze and both of them could see clearly the face inside. Shifting her eyes from Tim to the soon to be back alive body, she could see tears of joy coming out from her husband’s eyes. ” Tim honey, who the fuck is this woman”. ” She asked her husband. “I don’t know, but I am so happy”. replied Tim. “You took the wrong body from the morgue, did you? You dumb baboon, did you?”. “I guess I did”. said Tim, not even trying to hide the enormous smile on his face. Ten minutes later, Tim was hugging his “Mother and law” And said,” don’t worry grandma, your memory will come back to you soon, let’s go downstairs to meet your grandkids”. On the way down from the attic while supporting his new mother in law, a funny thought came across Tim’s mind. ” I really don’t want to be in the place of the other family 40 years from now. ” Watch your steps Grandma” Tim said, ” we got so much catching up to do”.

Different Perspective

Maybe its because I stopped and let life continue without me. It could be because I spent most of my last year forcing myself to sleep twenty hours a day. there are so many because and maybe that its doesn’t really matter which one was the one. But one thing is for sure, when I felt that my sanity started to drift away from me, I spread my fingers and let reality just slip away.

I woke up after I slept more then ten hours, it was somewhere in the night, What time exactly I didn’t really care. I cared only about two things to do before I dive back into my sheet less bed. Pee and take more sleeping pills, to make the brush with the real world as short and painless as possible. Then I saw her, she was running across my table between a moldy sandwich and some old magazines. When she saw me looking at her she stopped running. Hey Ant I said, Hey back she answered. I am looking for a book, said the Ant. I saw that book before, its a book about dreams. I need to figure out this dream I am having. I use to read a lot, I said. But not anymore. I know, said the Ant, I remember seeing you reading every day. I looked at my shelves full of dusty books, I don’t see much point to read any more, I told the Ant.

I didn’t know that ants can dream, I said. The ant moved her antennas from side to side and said. The fact that you are talking with an ant is completely normal, but the idea that ants can dream sounds strange to you? I am losing my sanity, I said, half as a question and half as a fact. So, how does it feel ? The ant asked. It was apparent that she was very intrigued with my answer by the way her antennas were stretched to my direction. I cannot really tell, I said. It’s like sleeping with my eyes open. Is that what you really wanted ? asked the Ant. In a way, yes. I answered. That’s interesting said the ant, but now I really need to find this book, its important. Why is the meaning of that dream so important to you? I asked the Ant. Its not important to me, said the Ant, its important to you. To me? Why? I said. I am not really here said the Ant, I am your dream, your illusion. My dream is your dream. I don’t remember any repeated dream, I said. Yes you do, answer the Ant, that’s why you have created me. Am I dreaming now? I asked. No, said the Ant, you just lost your mind. I use to read a lot, I said. I have books about many subjects. But I never had a book about dreams. I have pointed at the Ant and said, you know what the dream is about, don’t you? I have put my finger even closer to the Ant and shout, You know very well why I don’t want to remember, I said. This dream is the last real thing you got left, said the Ant. The dream is about what happened. I don’t want to remember I said, I don’t want to know the dream. My finger got closer and closer to the Ant. I have felt her little body under my finger and I pressed even stronger. There is no way back if you do it she said. but I didn’t listen, the more I pressed the more I felt pressure in my head. But I didn’t stopped. I pressed as hard as I could. until I have crushed the Ant.

I have six legs and two antennas, I cannot close my eyes any more. But I am dreaming the same dream over and over again. Do you want to hear about my dream? Do you want to know its meaning? You need to. After all, that dream is yours.